I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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