the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
