end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He felt like a one man threesome
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
