he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
