Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
