you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
