just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
