The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
