so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
