I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
