How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
