he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
