i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
