what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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