is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
