Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
