someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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