I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
