Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
