so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
