I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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