she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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