Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
