2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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