yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
