Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
