I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
