I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
