She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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