All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
