Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's get the cat blown out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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