Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
