The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
