that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
