This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
