You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
