Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
