I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
