I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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