I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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