and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
