I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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