Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
