I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
