Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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