i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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