I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
