My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
