I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
