Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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