I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
