Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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